Am I the only one that finds this off-putting? Dating Forward to friends

  • View author's info Author Posted on Oct 29, 2012 at 06:29 AM

    Hi all,

    I joined GothMatch a few weeks ago and there is one thing that I can't help being put off by: people who refer to themselves as 'hot'. No, I don't mean I dislike attractive people but I find huge egos really off-putting. Whilst confidence is great, too much of it just makes me run a mile. Am I the only one that feels this way?

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  • View author's info Posted on Nov 25, 2017 at 10:21 PM

    Here are some scenarios where I can imagine a person choosing "Hot":

    • The moment they posted their first profile picture on the interent they were inundated with comments on how attractive they are and never a disparaging remark.
    • They worked hard at it.  Working out, eating right, plastic surgery, got good with makeup, really into fashion, etc... to the point of them being happy with their body image.
    • A natural body positive image of themselves because they grew up in a country/environment which was much more nurturing to that, unlike mainstream USA.
    • The AC is broken.

    Plus, "Hot" does have a subtle context of sexual desirability.  For myself, I can say a guy is attractive because I can see the traits a woman might find attractive but I would never say a guy is hot because that feels like I am expressing a sexual desire for him.  Most religons and cultures instill negative feelings about sexuality in various degrees, from actively shunning it to it being taboo to talk about which makes it hard for some to label anyone "hot" outside an intimate situation let alone themselves, publicly, on the internet.


    Vanity vs Self Confidence

    The vain just cannot see past themselves.  If you express a negative feeling or an opinion to a vain person, they will complain about how you made them feel with those words, tear you down for even thinking that, explain their situation and try to get you to feel for them to fix the situation.  Never taking the other's point of view for better understanding and seeing what they can do to fix the situation.  They choosing "Hot" means they think they convinced their small bubble of people around them that they are because they are afraid to contradict them.

    The self confident know they can cope with challenges that may arise and not fall into a state of disarray in the process.  They can see most sides of a situation which leads to fixing and preventing problems when they are small and easy to deal with.  This ease leads to their confidence.  When they choose "Hot" they are saying that they have something to offer or at least can figure it out, for a person they think hot. 


    Being Humble

    Being in a place where you can be humble initially takes a lot of self-promotion and bragging!  When you are new to a scene, no one knows what you can do or even that you have the desire and training.  Writing your resume should be one of the most egotistical things you do, throw out humility.  Of course, as you gain a hopefully good reputation in a space, you no longer have to self-promote.  The people from your past experiences will now be your promotional engine allowing you to be humble.  This question is asked when you are registering as a new user.  It is displayed on your profile which is usually the first thing a person sees about you.  You have no reputation and humility on your profile is counter productive to expressing your strengths and attractive qualities. Turn up the humility when people start leaving great feedback on your profile, a great feature of this site!


    So when I see that someone has chosen "Hot", I do not know if they are vain or self confident, that they put great efforts into their appearance, or that their worldview is from a different culture.  I could say they are good self promoters and sexually charged.

  • View author's info Posted on Sep 25, 2017 at 09:38 AM

    This hole situation is differcult for me, if you don't mind me saying. I can bearly speak to people.

  • View author's info Posted on Aug 17, 2016 at 07:02 AM

    All in the eye of the beholder IMO.
    You can please some people some of the time but you cant please all of the people, all of the time.

  • View author's info Posted on Mar 26, 2013 at 10:18 AM

    Dear LunaViolet,

    No, you're deffinately not the only one. If you're pretty and you know you look good, people will give credit where it is due regardless if it's in your profile or not.
    Being modest is a skill that many haven't learnt to wield yet. Best thing to do is like you already said "run a mile", cause there's a good chance that person is sitting on a high horse.
    To me personally, it sounds a bit arrogant, if not, vein.


  • View author's info Posted on Mar 25, 2013 at 05:58 AM

    Quoting author:

    What do you think is hot? I've found out what that hot today, does not necessarily hot tomorrow, if I might have born a few centuries back I would have considered as hot as the fire of hell (: But we all go and rot from day to day, so hold on a passing thing like this .. it's stupid,
    But if this creature with eternal life ..........

    I think we all have different ideas of hot. Personally, my tastes are wide ranging whilst I love guys with long hair that resemble Tuomas Holopainen and Perttu Kivilaakso (i.e quite pretty), I also really like bikers (not Jax Teller type ones. I'd rather have Opie or Chibs any day. Sons of Anarchy charactersif you're wondering). I've no problem with facial hair, scars or a little bit of extra weight. Personality is a large factor for me, too. You could be my ideal guy looks-wise but if you're an arrogant, sexist, immature mummy's boy, you might as well be grotesque.

    I look upon myself as barely average. I think women like Eva Green, Simone Simons and Amy Lee are hot.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 03, 2013 at 04:31 PM

    I agree. It's really annoying.
  • View author's info Posted on Nov 18, 2012 at 04:53 PM

    Nah, I find it's vaguely annoying too. If people just want to get a hook-up out of this, create another account and say so, don't come off as being seriously vain.
  • View author's info Posted on Nov 14, 2012 at 08:29 PM

    Not at all, I thought that having you rate yourself was degrading
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