I think if you have children, they should be the focus of your lives. (I know that is idealistic, but it is what I think) Although I am not a mom, I was in the process of adopting 3 children who I helped raise in daycare. God I miss them. Their mother was a mess, and I loved them, so at 17 I signed up to adopt them when I turned 18. But by that time, she got herself pregnant again and roped a man in. *sigh* I would have given my whole life for those three kids. (who were two twin girls age 7 and a 3 year old.) They lived in my room, for 2 years and I got them dressed, cooked them dinner, helped them with their homework, bathed them, and loved them. They were my girls, and I sacrificed alot for them, in highschool. *sniff sniff*
Take care of your kids, they are a wonderful blessing if you let them be.
Fiesty - if that is what works for you, it is fine. For the record, you stand a better chance of attracting blokes and getting them to stick around that way. The down side is that you might find out after quite a long period with the guy that the kids don't like him or vice versa and then you are torn.
I still seem to be having issues with this. However mine are the opposite. I inform the person I am a single mom, however I don't introduce them to my kids ( 5 yr old girl, 4 yr old boy) until I'm sure they aren't a total waste of my time. I just seem to have a major issue with them stepping up and trying to be a male role model in thier life. I don't know what it is, I guess it is because I've done it so long that I feel threatened. Can someone please give me a little outsider insight. (situation was married for 6 yrs, 2 kids, I filed for divorce, had a drunk as an ex, he wasn't much of a father figure) Thanks...
Hmmm-my "heart" hears you. I've been often in a situation where "my mate" competed with my child for my attentions. Need i say, who "won" the competition? it is a sad thing to see how immature, certain men are to attending to needs other than their own...i was a single parent by choice-not chance, and my daughter means "The World" to me, should another, who is interested in me-have a problem with that?!-Than, See Ya Buddy, and don't let the door hit you(too hard) on the way OUT. I am not, "desparate" to find another, quite content within my own company with plenty to do, as far as developing my own skills(went back to school, finishing masters now-my artwork, so, love music and reading..finding interesting "friends"-there's lots! think of "what you Have-not, what you seek...most fondly, cipher-and keep smiling, you're beautiful!
GMR - You are meeting (and possibly looking for) the wrong men.
Sinthetik - It *is* hard to get out, you have to actually make time for it or it just won't happen. I try to drag my single parent friend out whenever I can. She is lucky she has her mother who is very willing to look after the children for her.
I am a single mother and I left my daughters dad 5months ago. I find it very hard cause men wont be with a woman who has a 3 week old infant in her life. They all run off cause they are scared so its hard.
IM 32 and a single dad of a 6 yr old....i found it difficult to meet women because they wehere either afraid of drama from my ex (and yes there was some at first with the custody and child support issues, and she is a dead beat mom now not paying me anything)but still i had found many women literally end any chances of furthering a relationship because I have my daughter, and its so friggin hard to get out anyway to meet people
I have a friend who was a single parent and recently married a very old friend of mine, I get lots of insights into life from spending time with them and with his child, whom he only has part of the time.
I've also been involved in the past with single mothers and whilst there are definitely issues that go with it, it's not an instant 'no'.
I have to take issue with the "Of you are looking for a new father/mother!" comment. The single mother I most recently was involved with definitely was not looking for that I and I was happy to accept it.
well.. my sons 19 months.. i kind of see it as a problem because im a young mom guys really arn't into kids until an older age i think.. because i havn't found anyone but maybe its just because im not good looking..
I am a proud mom-single of 2 crazy boys and i say its so hard to meet a man who cares enough to even take a step back and remember tat they too were once a child and this is not a little change that they can work around or if he ignores the kid that he can have me controlled.
I have this theroy ...if my sons dont like the person then neither do i!
i see that a childs innocence can bare truths that us adults can over look.
Were more prone to overlook the hidden truth cause we are dazzeled with the thrill of lust and that can be a mutherfucker!!!!
I live in San diego, if there is any attractive and interested men and ladies give me a wink ,i am recently divorced and the things you learn from marriage ...I am very willing to show the right person.
Given my age (37) a lot of women I meet have children. I trained as a school teacher and do voluntary listening to reading once per week (this is probably denting my goth image, but we all live IRL), and so get on well with children, but I do wonder when I meet women with kids whether she only sees a single man with no children of his own, as not a good bet. In addition, my worry is that if I get on with the woman, but her children despise me, that that would wreck things. Having children is part of what that woman is, so if I am attracted to her, that is part of what I am attracted to, but I recognise life is not that straightforward, so I must say, that reading people's comments here on such set-ups, are proving useful.
quite simply, men are intimidated by children. stupid, but still true. a child represents a barrier, and most men dont want to deal with it. i dont personally mind if a woman has a child, as long as its older then 3. infants annoy the hell out of me. i just cant help it.
How bout this. I used to think kids were really stupid and irritable. Until the first time I talked to one. The only difference I see between a kid and another person is that a kid is a helluva lot more honest with you. I'd watch out for anyone that can't conversate with a child. That goes for the parent or for the new partner.
If the relationship is intended to be of a serious nature then a child is a big factor. While I wouldn't discount a potential relationship with a single mother, I would be far more cautious due to my previous experience.
I married a single mother, raised the child as my own for 8 years, and now have no contact with her because of the rather bitter (evidently) divorce and the fact I have very few legal rights when it comes to a child that I am not the biological parent of.
Unfortunately, it is actually kinder on her that I do not see her now because (from all reports) her mother "takes things out on her" emotionally when I did have an avenue to spend time with her.
When you get into a relationship with someone who has children then you are really getting into a relationship with multiple people. That can be a real strain.
Well, I'm obviously not one of them. My boyfriend has two kids and I love children. I plan on having one or two of my own. It doesn't matter to me who's child it is, all that matters to me is they need love and care. I am definately one who can provide that. Not only that, but I love doing kid things like going to parks and playing kickball. I collect children's books and the like. *^_^* I hope you find someone extra special for your daughter, she deserves someone great. All kids deserve to be loved and cared for by someone who enjoys them not because they are obligated to.