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I love when.....
24 Views
05/16/10
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I love when people prove me right. My wife told her family that we were back together, now they did what I said they would do, act like selfish idiots. Her mother wont talk to her and her sister told her she doesnt have a sister anymore. Now I'm going to be heading to texas in july to get things ready. they turned a 2 year wait into a few months. I guess I will have to send them a thank you letter when all is said and done. On top of that she also told me I don't have to play nice anymore, so they belived me to be an asshole befor, they never bothered to get to know me, now they are going to know the side of me they were warned about. Now dont think that I'm going to go off half cocked and ready to rock, my mom could be a cold hearted bitch,and make people wish she had just put them in ICU, twisting there minds in many paranoid way's where they would jump at there own shadows. I learnt alot from her and turned it to be my own. I tried to be kind, to give them a chance to get to know me but when your worlds apart and minds are closed to anything that you don't know, you never shall.Me and my family are going to move to texas, where things make more sence, food taste better, people are nicer, and her two faced relatives are on the other side of the country......aaahhhhhh.... Now is the time for the healing to begin. The places and people whom only live for drama will be far away from us. I will make our little family happy and my kids wont even show to there funirial....but I will to, lets just say water there graves. Get away from the two faced yankee crack head crap and back into the warm bussom of my mother south land. To those I call family I will defend till my last breath, to those I call friend I will do what I can to aid, to the rest live or die it doesnt matter. Ok maby it does cause a few weeks ago i saw a old friend who turned me into an enemy in the paper, got drunk plowed into a tree and fought for his life for 13 hours be for he gave up. All I could think as a smile came upon my face was I wish I could have stood there and watched the life flee from his eye's. Well I'm tired and its be a fuged up day so goodbye for now
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going back down south
26 Views
05/11/10
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HHELL YAAA!! My wife has finaly came to her sences and agreed to move down south. Texas, Navada, hell ya going back home..........in about 2 years. Now if I can hold on to my saniaty till then. I hate the northern US, to much rush for no good damn reson. Food sucks, mostly. Winter, well it's winter what else is there to say about the time of year when everything is cold, and wet, and just it sucks. Go back down where it's a cold front if it hits the 50's. lol Burn in hell PA and I'll put the ember's out after I drink a case.lol
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YO, Yo, yo.....HI!!
15 Views
05/04/10
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To my dear public, I would like to say sorry for my period of not blogging. I have had alot on my plate. Thing's are going good with the wife, the job still sucks but the way things look I might get a job changeing oil. Hell ya get away from the public, back down into a dark pit were I don't have to play nice with customers...aahhhh Then there's teaching my son to ride his bike, that in it's self is a job. So to all of you may you find a moment of peace in your day, wether it be injoying a cup of coffee, or sitting curled up with your other half watching a movie. Take the time to just be there, no thought, just take a moment or two to take it all in. Then sit down and injoy a spam sandwich
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as I see it
15 Views
04/10/10
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I normaly don't pay much mind to the news, and for good reson, bad weather when they say good, someone got shot in some getto, one movie star is getting ither married, or devoriced, ect. I like to get the story from other sources insted of the main stream. A man crashes a plane into a IRS building and there are many holding the guy up as a hero. America is wakeing up to relise how bad our politics are, and how currupt our gov. is. We Americans have large egoes. In reality we are still kind of the new kids on the block. go into history and you may descover one simple truth, a gov. is created on very good pricibles, over time the power grows, the curupt take power, the more power they gain, the more they want. Over time they begin to fear the loss of power and begin to try to cling onto it tighter. The people begin to relise that the idea's that brought said gov. to power have been lost. Then the people fight back just in the hopes to start a new gov. on good ideas. the way I see it is we american's are heading to a revolution, one that I belive is becomeing more and more needed. Thomas Jefferson I belive said the people should never fear there government, but the government should alway's fear the people. I love my people, and the fact that we have such a wide range of cultures. I have grown to hate my gov. When the time comes I will fight for the right, I just hope that the currupt will fall and the cycle will start a prosperious and happy future. Oh and that I can still find spam......MMMmmmmm......spammmmm
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you may call me stupid
43 Views
04/09/10
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Well I've been on here for a little while now and alot of dumb shite has happpen. I may be makeing a mistake but I think me and my X are going to give it one more shot. She's been clean now for 6 months, and after a visit with the kids she broke down and we had a real talk. She apologized for her history, I myself came clean about certian actions that were less than respectable. I don't know if I'm setting myself up for another fall, but I guess we will see. She is risking alot by doing this, her family already has sworn to disown her if we were to get back together, and come september we will see how true to there word they are. I must admit that as retarded as it may sound I am looking forward to it. It will be the first time in our nine year mariage that she has put herself in the spot where she could lose everything, and one of the thing's that has been a prob is I risk everything, and she has never put herself in that spot. Well thats all for now hope ya'll have a good day.
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Warm weather
7 Views
03/19/10
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Well I must say that I finaly reconize that spring is hear. Went for a walk yesterday and wasn't frezzing my nuts off. Plus got a game of Hacy sack in yesterday as well. Saw my daughter today and got my cat back. My baby girl was a live wire as alway's and my cat would not leave me alone. Feel bad though cause my cat came this morn. and I am now working a 16 hour shift. When I get home I will have to crash right away cause I'll only have 8 hours to rest befor another 16 hour shift. This is the way of lide I guess. Well kids go out and soak up the day and have some fun for me.
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A 7 year old
32 Views
03/10/10
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My X wife called me yesterday to make me aware that my son of 7 just started his own face book. He liked to jump on her's for the dumb little games, ya know the ones I'm talking about. So now my son is one of my friends. First the good point of this is that I have a way to talk to him without haveing to even talk to his mother. bad point is now I have to watch the things I say on the home page or my profile. I also helped my friend clean his car wich trust me was no easy feat, told me I could keep the change I found $22.83 in assorted change, SCORE for two day's befor pay. Got me two packs of smokes (I know I should quit theres to much stress right now) and food for work. One thing that sucks with living in a hotel is that the fridge that they give is good for a half gallon of milk and jelly, thats about all. Well thats about it so have a happy and safe day, oh and remember be happy or go fluff yourself
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tips for males and females for dateing
25 Views
03/06/10
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First off if you see (M) it's ment for males, if you see (F) it's for females, and if you see (B) it's for both
1.(B) You got the date all set up it's almost time, rub one out, this will help to clear your mind so you can PAY ATTENTION, you will be able to hear what the other is saying and judge if you should go forward or RRUUUUUNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!
2.(M)Make sure that you are picking the girl up, befor you go to her door lock all the car doors. that way when you walk her to the car you can unlock and open the door for the lady, then take your time to make your way to the driver side, if you get there and the door is unlocked then be a gentilmen, if you have to unlock your own door shoot for the score.
3.(F) DON"T DRINK, DON'T let him handel your drink. the first date is the time you want to see how he act's. If your drunk you might mess the little thing's like the fact that he being TO nice. I mean like the type of nice that would make you scare of being near him in the middle of a poepoe station
4.(B) Be yourself, I know that sounds like nothing new but if you sell yourself as the perfict match and then he/she finds out that you are not then well you deserve the heart break platter
5.(M) Guy's you and her are going good she has invited you back to her place, befor thing start getting hot ask to use her bathroom. When you get in there check her Med. cabenit, Bipolar, scitts, or anti sicodic meds. JUMP OUT THE WIDOW, doesn't matter if it's fifty floors up trust me you will be better off
6.(F) In most places there are free web sites that will allow you to check out a person's criminal history, all you need is there full name. Do it and see whats up, then when your out with him talk about what you saw(without letting him know) and see how he reacts, if he is hounest( this does not mean telling you he did those thing's) and gives you a real stand of where he comes from then it's good, if he denise and act's like he never has done anything wrong then say goodnight and have a big strong friend pick you up
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11:44 at night
10 Views
03/06/10
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Well here I am pulling my second night of 16 hour shift, brought my own coffee pot in and fighting sleep. start friday at 3pm get off sat. at 7am, sleep a little just to drag my ass back at 3pm and do it all over agian. I mess doing electrical work so much, not just because of makeing good money but also, I HATE DEALING WITH THE PUBLIC. Snooty shit heads you have to act all nice to even though you just want to reach over the counter, streach there toungh far enough that you can wrap it around there neck, tie it to the celling and beat them to death with there own limbs. I got to see my daughter a ccouple of day's ago and that helps me stay in a alright mood. She was so excited when she saw me, the whole day we were together was great. My X was there of course and I was surprised that when I saw her, there was nothing....I mean I wasn't pissed even though she brought her next X ( He took my advice and kept his mouth shut while me and my X talked about the devorice). Then she started trying to bring up feeling's that wernt there. The only thing that made me sad was when I had to give my baby girl a hug and kiss, then say goodbye. I'm going to talk to my boss and see if I can get a weekend off so I can see both my kids. ( my son is seven so he's in school). Well I think thats all for now, hope everyone is doing well and keep your spirits up, cause if you don't who will???????? :-p
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Crazy Bitch
17 Views
02/28/10
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I wish that I could close my eye's and be surprised when she does something messed up. She is trying to use our kids as a wepon to get me to singh the devorce papers. This may sound odd to most, I do not want to get back with her, I just don't want her to jump into another marriage that will end badly. My kids don't deserve it. If she's not bitchin about the devorce she's trying to get me to want her back.(Crazy bipoler bitch!) I want to see my kids but this is something that I feel that I can not back down from. Grrr.....I need only for my kids to be happy, and myself. As far as she goes she decided that she wants to not be with me so at this point what she wants can only come after the first two. I want to have someone that can stand with me, not hide behind me. On top of that there's a girl who is like a little sister to me and she want's to beat some since into my X. Tempting as it is I constantly need to reafirm to her how good it may sound, but how bad it would turn out. Broken up, useing the kids as a weepon, and I'm still saveing her ass. I am waiting on pins and neddles for the girl Dollie that I've been trying to get with is going to come up to hang out and spend some time face to face. I get a little giddy when ever I think about it. Well that is all for now need to get back to work. So to all may you have fun & stay safe
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who's a gameing geek
41 Views
02/27/10
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First let me say that I am a game geek, thats right, I like the table top RPG's. Not so much D&D but the old systems of white wolf publishing, Vampire the masq., Werewolf the Apoc. Things like that. One problem is as you game more and more you learn the system and people want you to run a game. This is fun for the story teller is god. the other edge of the blade is that when you find yourself in an area where no one realy games, they start & like it, your the one who always runs. So now I find myself at a stand still, I love to game. Get a bunch of friends over , fast food, beer, smoke some bud, and have a blast. I do like to run but I always run & there for I never realy get to just enjoy a charicter and play. As a story teller I have to make the world there charicters are in, play the people they interact with, and take the time to orginize the conflicts they become involved with. Plus it's hard to run a charicter when you know whats generialy going to happen next. So I try to get people good enough to be able to run, this works up untill they get cold feet. I want to game but no longer have the will to run. Infact I have stoped working on all my stuff involving gameing, my city, my clan ( vampires Based on avatar the last air bender). I have charicters ready to be ran, but no game to run them in. well I don't know if I was asking for advice, or just rambleing on, so this is where I shall stop. (by the by, I know my spelling suck as long as you know what I mean thats good enough for me thank you and have a nice day)
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how cold
21 Views
02/13/10
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I walk a winters road, cold, alone
Wandering in serch of what, love, a home
Nomatic being cursed to forever be alone
How many times must one atone for sins unknown
The wind rakes over my face causeing a tear to freez
Haunted by the memories of warmth, compasion
One foot in front of the other, wishing to walk upon my daughter and her brother
A dream of holding them in my arms is all that keeps me from doing myself harm
Wanting, wishing, just to be able to turn cold once more
to lose the compasion that they put in my heart
to truely go back into the dark, where I was safe with a dead heart
I walk my path until the life finially ends
until then I will continue to atone for the sins of mortal men
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still alive and maby more
19 Views
02/12/10
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Well the painting thing is over and done with, now the time of haveing a couch to crash on is over, I'm not sure whats going to go on now but still refuseing to give up. I kinda have my old job back 16 hour day once or twice a week, still more money than I would have. one of my friends wants to go halves on a monthly room at the hotel I work at, funny how things always go full circle. My X still is comeing up with every excuse to keep from bringing my kids to see me, I find it getting harder and harder to keep the tears from my eye's at night when I mess them the most. I still have nothing good going on and agian said no to a friend when he tried to hook me up with some stuff to sell to get back on my feet, ggrrrr...... I just can't bring myself to do it, I could use the money but I don't want to have to explain why daddy ended up in jail. Other than that I find to much time to think and my head spins, what has happened and what ciuld, and what I should do. The more I think of to correct my life the more I find how stuck I am. Get a job, well nobody say's anything about when they don't call back, and when I call I hear "When we have a chance to review your appliacation we will give you a call". I so hope that spring will show soon and a good electrican comp will hire me, I would love to be pulling $450-$500 a week agian. I also find myself messing the thing's that I had with my X, the warmth of her body agianst mine in the cold night, the feeling that I got when I thought of her, just between us I still get it from time to time, the way she would call me a corny, horny bastard anytime I did something stupid romantic..... I used to not even care if anybody cared for me but after haveing it I mess it and crave to have it once more. I alway's had fun comeing up with something that would make her smile and laugh, one time when we were starting to go out I was talking to her on the phone and she said that she would love to have some Ritas water ice, but she was broke, When I got off the phone with her I walked 2 hours to the ritas that was like 3 blocks from her. on the way I picked a hand full of flowers and tied it with a hair tie. When she answered the door and saw me standing there with her ritas, and a handfull of flowers the look in her eye's made it all worth it. I know it doesn't need to be her but I sometimes need that feeling. Not many people understand it and maby I just am silly for it but I mess the whole thing.
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well working forward
25 Views
01/28/10
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Well wish I could say everythings fine, but I don't lie.lol My last blog told of the bull shit, this is an update. well turns out a friends mom wants to paint her place so she told me I could use her couch for a few weeks, and she would make sure I get my weight up, 6'2 and only weigh 130 lb. All I got to do is do the painting, not a bad deal at a very good time. other than that I'm putting app's in all over the place, even down in texas, to tell the truth thats where I hope to land anyway, Being born in dallas I find myself wanting to go home. Tough hope for I would be leaveing my kids hear in PA untill I get on my feet. Looking back I'venever had luck in PA, always 1 step forward 3 steps back. Every where else I've done alright. To everybody thanks for the responce, it helps. well thats all I have for now next time hopefuly thing's will be going better. Been down this road more times than I wish to recall, I just hope this is the last time. oh and thanks for none of the don't kill yourself shit, been hearing it to much, I AM JESSIE, AND I SHALL WALK TALL NO MATTER WHAT THE WORLD THROWS AT ME. Anyway, I don't understand why everyone say's that to people cause, I'd think that would put it in a persons mind, if it wasn't there already.
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here's one for ya
41 Views
01/20/10
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On the 6th of jan. I came home from work and saw an envalope taped to the door, upon reading it I descovered that it was a ten day eviction notice, The apartment was in my roomamtes sisters name and come to find out that for the last 3 months she decided to put our rent into her arm. My roomates found a family member they could stay in texas with. I on the other hand have been on the streets in P.A. I am not giveing up, looking for a job, oh and for the ones that would sugest a shelter, full also tried emergancy houseing there talking a month befor they could do anything. as of feb. 16th it will be one year since my mom died.
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Haha!
18 Views
12/20/09
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So it's a fine day for yesterday I was at work and my X-wife showed up to "surprise me" Thinking to bring up old emotions and keep me on her strings. When I asked her if she brought my kids the answer was no and my reply was then why the hell are you here. Needless to say she did not stay long. So for me this is a confadence booster. My friends found out from one of my co-workers and cheered me when I showed up. I wont get to see the kids on X-mas 1 cause I'm working. 2 Because I was invited to go over her family's house for the day. UUuuuhhhhh......I belive that anyone can tell that that would be a bad, bad idea. So she promised to bring them up the day after. Lets just hope she keeps this one. Then this girl Dollie that I've been working on hooking up with called me up and a 2 hour phone conversation felt like 10 min. We didn't even talk about anything important. I woke up and came to work, I am in high spirits today, and am looking forward to getting off work and just relaxing. I don't have anything to do after work, so it will be off to home. sit back with a cup of tea, a good movie, and my cat. The only calls I will answer are if the kids call, or Dollie. So to all of you have a good day and a fun night.
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When is it to much
35 Views
12/12/09
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It's that time of year agian, what time is that you may ask. Every year about this time suacides rise. This year I am looking at messing a third X-mass with my son, and the first with my daughter. All due to there mother. Now befor any worry no I don't want to kill myself, I just see why poeple do. This girl that I've been working on hooking up with promised to call me and make sure that I don't go to deep into my head. Plus she told me that altough we are takeing it slow, she want's to make sure that I am still around to move forward. I find myself in a bad mood all the time. Well not when I'm talking to her, or the rare ocasion when I get to talk to my kids. That is untill I get off the phone with them and look around. I mess my kids so much it realy does hurt. Last time I saw them they called me Donny, instead of daddy(thats the name of there mothers boy friend). I kept it under control but I just wanted to go crazy, but what about. They didn't mean to, she corrected them quick enough but the cut was deep. I wish I could just do what I use to do and turn off everything and be numb. When I try it doesn't work, it makes it stronger. So like turkey day I will be alone in my room, with another pack of ramine noodels. Or at work, right now I hope for work. Dollie the girl I'm.....whatever you want to call it, is trying to help me find a job down her way cause I'll be closer to my kids and her. She is a bright spot in the darkness. I'm so tired of being angry. I was put on meds when I was a teen, but they made me more depressed. Now I'm so scared to go on them agian. Plus the X could use it agianst me. I don't know what to do or where to turn.
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In a dark mind, from a light soul
29 Views
12/01/09
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Here is a update I posted a blog to vent and haven't been on for a while, I even forgot about it until I went and saw some new coments, Thank you for your concern. She is still alive and we are peaceful at the moment, I have seen my kids and the X, no drama came of it. I will not apologize for what I wrote cause after I wrote it I felt so much better. I never hit her and with some of the stunts she's pulled, if I didn't I never will. As for the thing of people thinking ill of me or thing's of that nature, I release these thing's through art, poems, stories because I used to keep them in and it turned out very bad, she is the one who actualy got me over who and what I was and now I am very calm, because of venting. A balance must be kept to the world I am calm, kind harted, and the first to defend those who need or deserve it. My mind tends to be dark and well.....lets just say not a place for the faint of hart. I release it through art, poems, tae kwon do, creating things, so it will not turn into a problem. In fact from time to time it has made me money. If you judge me bassed on that blog and decide that I am messed up or in anyway mean, abusive, ect. then I'm sorry that you will never understand and will wish you a happy life. to those that can understand that venting may not be pretty, in fact most of the pictures that one creates in anger a very rarly pretty. So those who were truely concerned thank you for that it does mean alot to me to the rest have a good life and good by
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Simple things to help with happiness
38 Views
10/20/09
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1. When you wake in the morning take time to injoy something, no thought or planning should be part of this, if it is a shower don't think of what you got to do today injoy the feel of the hot water washing over your body, notice your muscels relax, your breath calming, or that first cup of coffee, fresh hot, made just right for your taste, the wonderful sent of it, the feel of the warm cup sitting in your hand, Then the first sip as it travels over your tastebuds and down your throat warming your insides.
2.If your stuck in trafic step out of your rush and take a look around. Hey the pretty girl/guy in the car next to you, or if there not atractive then make an amusing story for them he/she is on there way to a topay confrence.
3. If you have kids just sit back and watch how they find ways to amuse themselves, or ask them what there doing the younger the more interesting it will be. take them to the mall or park and just watch them, if you have kids I'm sure you know what I mean. If you dont then go to the mall and people watch.
That is all for now but I will post more later, don't be shy if you come up with some feel free to add on
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A light in the darkness
32 Views
10/14/09
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So I have been a depressive tool for way to long, things with the X and her next X, trying to see my kids and the depresion that always follows after I see them, going home to an empty room with only my cat to help the thoughts stay at bay. I was at work last night and a girl from my past texted me out of no whear, she heard of the crap I went through and the things I did to make my mariage work, so she got in touch with a few of the friends I still talk to and got my number. Texting me out of the blue wanting to hook up for a cup of coffee. She said that it was a shame for me to have gone through it, and that it was a shame our timeing was always off. I was one of the only guys that she thought was a "Good man and not just a cheating jerk". were working on the coffee date just got to work around our work and kids to do it. I work at night and usaly dread the morn for it means being alone with my thoughts, right now however I look forward to the morn and can go home to that empty room with a feeling of hope. Dont think I put everything into this prospect its just good to hear something like that and to find out someone went out of there way for me instead of the other way around. Now only if I could hit the lotto and the X could get hit by a truck filled with raw sewage, but I can deal with one of three.....FOR NOW.
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