Blog description:In short, what comes to mind generally after a tiring day at work looking to unwind and kick start my brain in a different direction. I'm a lousy typist so if yer a Grammar Nazi, too bad, deal. Don't be surprised if my attitude seemingly changes drastically. It does. Usually after dealing with customers. Generally I'm laid back. If you want to know the real deal, interact. How do you expect to get to know someone? Blind attitudes and opinions?
My blog address: http://GothicMatch.com/blog/Bladewing
For real, I'm out. I'll ;et this stand a few days so's anyone who I spoke with and kept in touch can talk to me. I rarely drop in so it is foolish to be here anymore as long as I let this stand. I did make a few decent pals. For those of you who were, thanks. You know where I am.
For those who knew, my sis and bro in law have been fighting a long custody battle. Today came the final deal. Two years of work, struggle, etc have culminated in a 'win' (if it can be called such when the contest is within a family). So two future rockers will be brought up in a great environment!
The whole deal has been for their well-being, and for once in a great while the bipeds in suits make a good call. I've heard and viewed a few horror stories. This was thankfully done quickly with no court bloodbath. For that as well I can be thankful. Lawyers aren't called sharks for nothing. At least some.
So I'm gonna have to let it all slowly sink in. Most days everyone feels like they have been ridden hard and hung up wet, now it's the first few hours of cautious celebration.
Personally I'm the type who waits for what comes next. What is lurking in the dark that was overlooked. For now, I'm happy yet numb. The kids are fucking good to go for years to come. Can't wait to see them grow, help em as I can (even though I can be a hardnose about lots of things, call me old-fashioned about having a Code to live by, I plan on being as much, yet not the exact hardcase me pop was, and I thank him often in my mind for it as a man). Birthdays, holidays, zombie apocalypse, whatever, man. Fucking bring it and we'll rock on!
The kids were so happy tonight, one of em as soon as the news was given jumped in my arms like a monkey and just clung to me, happy. Never forget that that is what we are here for. Those moments.
Life is usually a grind, tedious, frustrating, and as adults there is fucking small to no reward most days. But it's Christmas and all that all at once when it goes right. To be involved in a kid's life is an honor, and great responsibility.
I am flattered picking them up at school, and have my Pack I walk home. Other kids who now know me, come up and say HI, and are excited to talk to me about their day. We walk home, or run, and goof off for all of one or two blocks, but it is what makes my world turn now. That level of trust and happiness makes me feel like a super hero. I remember my days as a kid wondering if I'd ever be as cool as some adults I secretly idolized.
Suddenly I'm there, but I have no pretensions about being imagined a super hero. It's just cool as hell when your day is shit, and the kids are happy to see you. It's so simple. Be good. Protect and all that super hero bit. Cause every adult can be one to any kid. Use your powers for good. You'll be amazed.
PS, this whole ordeal has been why I said screw this place. It still stands. This was only a last heads up for those who knew of the details and mighta remembered. I never 'looked' here for Twu Wuv, that doesn't exist. This was never a place I culled for a woman. I know the games and the bullshit. I know how ridiculous all of this digital fuckery is. I for one am done with it. I found this place by accident, made some pals over many years, and now that they know how to contact me they are welcome to at any time.
Beyond that I have no further desire to piss away any more time here. Life is too short. I know how to piss time away, with far more results.
So Noods, Mo, and a few others, ya know where I am. Drop a line anytime. Anyone else interested in saying hi and all can talk to the Noods, and I trust his judgement in who to send along. For those I know here and haven't spoken to in awhile, I hope that life has been as kind as it can be.
To those I don't know, read the words of Mo and da Noods. Dunno if Wofsbane is still about, or HTPN, but they are wise lads. Take some advice. Safe travels to all and whenever we meet I hope to buy the first round.
Well, I'm done here. There is no reason for me to piss away time at a keyboard on something I have zero interest in anymore. The people I talk to randomly from here know how to reach me elsewhere.
All I see are dismal sots who cant work their shit out and buy a clue when it comes to love. And I sure as hell am not looking to do damage control with a woman ever again. Get off your ass, go out and find someone to love. Goth or not.
The PS is -- fuck your cats if you are a goth chick thinking of mailing me. I HATE CAT PISS. So if any woman mails (HA! he laughs and loudly) if you are a crazy cat lady, have fun with em. Don't bug me. Ever.
I REALLY have to change mine. It is an old one from when I started on this place out of boredom. I think I was looking for Goth clothing reference for a comic book character named ArcAngel, an angel who had lost his wings in battle and had made new ones, biomechanical ones made of blades. Long feathers were katanas, shorter wakizashi, and even smaller were kukri (SP). Hence my lame screen name. I was in no creative frame of mind and just threw it out there with a Halloween pic.
I don't have many pics of myself. I am the one taking them, or used to be. Halloween was the only time I had any inclination to be photographed, and still is.
Which is most likely why the trend of constant self photographing still is beyond me. I did take that one posted, but I am certainly not the camera hound. There is a huge generational gap mentally between I and the tech types. I still remember the days of photo stands, the small ones about the size of coffee stands. Or going to someplace to drop off film. Getting pics back in a few hours or ONE hour was fast! Or next day.
I have a pic me Mum took of me I will post to replace current one with. Taken on...Halloween.
Watched Troll Hunter, which was great. One very comedic moment in it involving a bridge. Check it out. expect subtitles. The Thing was good as well, watched it a few times now to get details I had missed. Cowboys and Aliens was far better than expected, great popcorn film. Insidious wasn't bad, but a tad predictable by the end. Also better than expected. There is hope for horror films. Anything outside of torture or trite serial killer/slasher/disposable annoying teen characters. Last one was Altitude. Bit of a Weird Tales or Twilight Zone throwback. Annoying characters , yes, but watchable. I had some hopes for the Last Lovecraft but it was silly, low budget thing that coulda been a student YouTube flick. What a loss for Del Toro's planned At the Mountains of Madness that was nixed. That would have been huge. I need to attend the annual Lovecraft film festival someday. See what they cook up.
Udo Kier, Max Von Sydow and John Hurt could all be great in The Color Out of Space, or better the Dunwich Horror. Team em up as the old professors fighting the beasts of Lovecraft.
So as a new topic outside of the usual gloom and doom of personal hells, I pose the question
What movie would you make, what actors would you choose, what director would you work with, FX house, and studio to release your dream film? Or films? It can be a series...go nuts and see what you come up with. I'd enjoy hearing ideas.
My picks, George Romero (director),Guillermo Del Toro (director), Peter Jackson (director), Aforementioned actors plus Ron Peralman, Kate Beckinsdale, (and too many others I cant recall at the moment), Weta (effects) KNB (effects), ADI (fx), Optic Nerve (fx)...story? No idea at present. A thriller, and certainly a Lovecraft story. I haven't read much lately so I have no idea what I would like to see translated.
and Fierce...it was quiet, went to my sis' place and watched nephews. Annnnd...fell asleep early. No drinking, even...maybe next year. Thanks much for well wishes!
Are there any women left who talk well of their guys? It is a rare thing to hear a woman who praises their guy these days. Mostly it's how the woman is so unhappy, how the guy isn't doing what she wants in some manner or area. Lots of it is petty. I know guys and was one who would go to any length for a woman. Not now. The classic 3 plus hour walk to find an ex who had two timed me to see if we could make another start again. Young and naive guys will do very dumb things. Spend the last bit of money they have to visit a girlfriend across town. Not tell them that they did these things cause seeing them is the important thing, not the money. Spending time with the woman. difficult to verbalize what it is. I have my views on love, relationships and they seem at variance with modern women. Everyone has been through the grinder at times, the staying with it through the storms are the ones who make it. It appears that now convenience and a short trem view is the norm. I WANT IT ALL NOW! and if it isn't given then the assumption is there will always be another. I've had women who dumped me and look me up later. Years later. Saying how nice I was or hoping for another shot or to seek me remembering the Nice Guy I was, the flower bringing, gift giving, happy to laugh and make them laugh guy they dumped for an asshole. Then they find the happy go lucky guy has become a bit bitter, not trusting, armored. I miss that guy I was. I miss being hopeful, trusting, open hearted guy. Cause that is important to be. Especially with the significant other in life. If I ever find her, or she me, maybe we will last. these days I hope for the best but expect the worst. Women have taught me to do so. Sadly. Wish in one hand...
No matter how hard you try, struggle, fight, nothing works? That you can never get the ground back under your feet? Constant instability, things hitting you from left field when you thought a storm had been survived its only the eye of the storm? Finding yourself mistrustful, down, slowly sinking and not even sure why? Something in the air. Something saying from somewhere that things are not right in a fundamental way and you cannot place it. Glimpsing bits beyond the frayed edges.
As Noods is beginning a Seven Deadly Sins event, I'll recommend an online test to take which may expand the understanding of them. There are two versions, short and long, take the long version since it is far more detailed than the short, and will be a better determination for levels of Hell. The short version asks maybe 12 questions and that isn't fair in my estimation, especially when it comes to the afterlife. Take both and then see the difference in where you would be sent and see which is worse. In the short I wound up in level 8 vs long test in the first level, Limbo. The higher numeric levels are worst to be in. Reading Dante's Inferno is an interesting experience. Much of it seems political, the people Dante doesn't like are in Hell, maybe unpopular figures of the time as well.
Hey,man, Imisseda post you sent as a reply to a reply. I mentioned how working with you on a comic would be cool. It'd be a kick just to try and get the stuff that comes to mind on paper. Keep it mind and I'll try to keep in touch and see where it all goes. I've thinned the belongings and need to do a bit more, what is left is mostly art suppies, canvases, clothes and random bits. I'm heading for some whitewater rapids figuratively speaking, and dunno if there is a waterfall on the other end. I'm scrambling a bit to try and cushion the impact as I can but life is gonna give me a solid soaking afore this ride in the next few weeks is over. Would be easier if I was in Az again. Now its just fregid and I've been a weenie sitting indoors and moping about for a month after losing a job. DAMMIT BWING KEEP YER DAM YAP SHUT NEXT TIME! I tell myself. Focus GrasshoppeR! I am berating myself a tad for the right mess I made of things. I musked it up so I gotta unmuck it. Wearing muckluks, not clogs. That's Mo's gig.
life has hit that point once more. Rebuild all of it. From zero. How I have no idea. Once again some friends aren't. For every crap friend there are the stalwarts. Every time a so called friend is shown to be not one, the true ones shine that much brighter. Time to sail off and find that destiny, follow whatever star is brightest. For me it is do or die. I won't spend another 20 years in the repeat of what I have been, the dead end jobs, etc. Back to school somehow. Trust only those who have proven themselves worthy of it and get on with it. Time for me to fight the battle. Signing off for now. Fare thee well, people. Good fortunes to you all.
My car is a bastard. I moved an left it with new battery sitting at pal's place, came back to find the insanely bad winter I thankfully missed had frozen and killed the new battery. So I go into garage and get my old backup one, also dead. I buy another new one with warranty, and learn from debacle to keep the battery outta the car since it needs work, store it indoors all winter nice an safe. I go out yesterday morning to fire the beast up, connect the battery and POW! SIZZLE! FOOSH! sparks fly and a stream of nasty acrid smoke curls up in a ribbon as a wire fries. Nasty burnt electical wire stench that I probably still smell of. I didn't even get a chance to fire it up since it torched this fused connection. AGGGGGHHH! It may be time to sell this nightmare. I did before an got it back and would hate top do so again, cause it has a lot of potential, and I've dragged this metal carcass for years with me and been through a lot to keep it cause I know in my head what it could look like. I'm just feeling again like an idiot for having it around while more blows up, meaning more work and money. Crap.
The New Year is here. Standing in the snow, in a town I had left and am in again after a huge gamble which cost everything, all is white A plane drones overhead, even that is white. the street, telephone wires, trees, all are white in the ice, all but the murder of crows, count them count them what do you see. A murder of crows croaking in a tree... Cold, bright, seeming empty Emptiness is finally good. It is a glass drained, the bitter swill washed out. You may feel empty, alone, yes. Certainly. In the bright light of a white winter morning you cannot ignore it. The light of revelation. Jobless, yes, single, yes, broke, yes. No longer miserable. Finally you understand Winter. Quiet and cold. Alive. Despite the weathering, knowing it has been worse, far worse in the past. This is new. NEW! Cold that shocks you awake. The bitterness of long winters past is gone. The old memories are burned aweay in the blaze of this one bright winter morning. The small voice echoes, Icebreaker. This is the time to see it, feel it, and something brings to mind a long forgoten image of the slow moving hulks that make it inch by inch through the frozen wastes. That is your goal. Slow but steady, unstoppable. The hull will be battered displaying battle scars and in the end will sail in open waters. Do NOT FORGET IT. Do not forget the morning nor the cold, embrace it. You cannot escape it, why try? It is good. Remember what is good, drop the rest. Be at long last empty, free of bitterness and dead weight. Throw the useless overboard, and remember you are not sinking. Now you may not need ballast, only do not forget your bearings. The ship is free. Plot a new course. Take the helm.
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