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Tough Work
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47 Views
11/24/10
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Police in Sri Lanka are searching for 83 people who have appeared in pornographic films. "These actors (obviously used in the loosest term possible!) are breaking the law and we will bring them to justice", said a police spokesman.
To help the search, police have printed pictures of the suspects in full page newspaper adverts. An officer explained that the mug shots were obtained by a special police squad viewing porn 'round the clock'.
Yeah, tough job!
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Not a good week for...........
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18 Views
11/04/10
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Spainish prostitutes!
Apparently health and safety officials in Els Alamus, northern spain, have told prostitiutes soliciting on a road outside the town that they must wear high visability vests to reduce the risk of traffic accidents!
One would havce thought the traffic wouldn't have been moving quick enough for accidents, but if they don't comply then the women face a 40 euro fine.
Funny old world!!
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A great week for..............
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26 Views
11/04/10
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Naval fluff!!
An australian guy has been collecting his navel fluff since 1984! Now we know what Mohawk gets up to!!
Apparently this guy called called Graham Barker from Perth said "One evening in Brisbane, when a little bored and underoccupied, I noticed the lint in my navel and started wondering about it. I became curious as to how much of it one person can produce."
What was he smoking?
Since then he has collected 22.1g of the stuff which he keeps in sealed jars!!!
It turns out that he's a libraian!!
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Bashing the Bishop!
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37 Views
10/24/10
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I know that many of you know that term is a euphemism, but this post is about a real bishop. One bishop Kieron Conry, the bishop of Arundel & Brighton. I bet that's the first time he's been mentioned here!!
Anyway, said bishop has been quoted in the press as denouncing halloween as 'meaningless' and 'the biggest rip off'. He said that it celebrated nothing and urged christians to reclaim the occasion for the church as the eve of all saints day.
Now you would have thought that bishops would have more important things to do, like denouncing self rightous kiddy fiddling priests but apparently not!
Now we all know that the christian church used all saints eve to supplant the ancient celtic celebration of samhain, just like it did with a number of other celtic festivals, but nowadays it's just an excuse for a bit of harmless fun and as an opportunity for supermarkets and shops to sell badly made cheap tat to us, just like those other manufactured occasions fathers/ mothers day! - Tell us something we don't know!!
With church going waning in this country as we become more secular in nature he would be better off trying to sell his religion to the population rather than coming out with stupid comments like that!
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Sarnie Anyone?
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21 Views
09/21/10
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As food seems to be a hot topic I though I'd share this tasty little selection of sarnies I found online with you!
The KFC Zinger Tower Burger
Because fried chicken just isn’t enough, KFC’s Zinger Tower stacks boneless spicy fried chicken, melted cheese and hash browns with tomato sauce and mayonnaise racking up 660 calories and 33.5g of fat. “Finger lickin’ bad…”
The Pork Hammer
Big Ass Sandwiches of Portland, Oregon is home to creations like the ‘Gut Bomb’ and their signature creation ‘The Pork Hammer’; piled high with ham, sausage and bacon, topped with fistfuls of home-cut fries and masses of coleslaw, giving the term ‘pigging out’ a whole new meaning.
Grilled Cheese Burger Melt
Friendly's grilled cheese burger melt
Friendly's grilled cheese burger melt packs a gut-busting punch with a hefty beef patty nestled in between two grilled cheese sandwiches, serving up a whopping 1,500 calories and 97g of fat. Not so ‘Friendly’ after all.
Redonkadonk
The only thing more ridiculous than its name is the list of ingredients it contains. If a meat-fix is what you are looking for, then Brunchbox in Portland, Oregon has just what you need. The Redonkadonk boasts a jumbo filling of eggs, ham, spam, bacon and cheese on a beef patty sandwiched between two grilled cheese sandwiches; a creation so ridiculous, they gave it a name to match.
The Doner Kebab
Doner kebabs remain one of our favourite foods to tuck into after a night out, but healthy they are not. Just a small doner kebab contains 1,000 calories and 63g of fat! Large portions contain closer to 2,000 calories and well over 100g of fat. This is heart attack food at its finest.
The ‘Fat Daddy’
Munchies 420 Café in Sarasota, Florida has created a monster. ‘The Fat Daddy’ is a back-breaking creation, filled with chopped steak, mushroom, onions, peppers, a cheeseburger, chicken fingers, breaded mozzarella sticks, potato wedges, lettuce, tomatoes and mayonnaise. Dessert anyone?
The Monte Cristo
Head to the Rusty Pelican Café in Seattle, Washington where you can indulge in a ‘Monte Cristo’ two doorstep slices of cinnamon swirl bread dipped and fried in egg batter encasing slices of ham, turkey and Swiss cheese dusted with icing sugar, served with jam.
Michigan BLT
‘Tony’s I-75’ in Birch Run, Michigan is home to the Michigan BLT. With a whole pound of bacon, this BLT clocks up an astounding 4,000 calories and 190g of fat; guaranteed to satisfy even the hungriest of carnivores. But with so much ‘B’, you’d be hard pushed to find the ‘L’ or ‘T’ that make this a classic example of the sandwich.
‘Eat’ Club Sandwich
The innocent looking club sandwich from Eat contains turkey, bacon, cheddar cheese, spinach and tomatoes all topped off with a Dijon mustard mayonnaise totalling an eye-watering 768 calories and a shocking 46.1g of fat. 'To Eat or not to Eat? That is the question.'
Quadruple Bypass Burger
Ambulances at the ready for the Quadruple Bypass Burger, from the Heart Attack Grill in Chandler, Arizona. Containing 2lbs of beef and an estimated 8,000 calories, it’s not hard to see how the Quadruple Bypass Burger got its name.
Gelato Brioche Sandwich
At the Gran Caffé Bar 900 in Alcamo, Sicily you can find sweet rioche buns chock full of super creamy Italian ice cream. Averaging around 600 calories with more than 20g of fat, these sweet treats are a lethal way to end a meal.
And i've seen the pictures!!!!
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Bus Stop
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36 Views
08/29/10
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So there I was the other day, standing at the bus stop after a gym session and up comes this mad old preacher woman. She's a bit of a regular about town.
Anyway she avoids me probably because she thinks i'm a devil worshiper or something, which as I don't believe in god I can't be (but that's another story).
Anyway she's trying to convince this other guy about Christianity and her whole argument goes something like this.
Have you read the bible? You should and find out about Jesus! Which she repeats over and over again. I mean what is with these people can't they formulate a rational reasoning as to why apart from telling everyone that they should just read the damn bible?
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Another Issue for noodles!!!
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28 Views
09/14/10
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So you're doing ok. You not given in to the cookie craving and have contracted a mythical summer cold just to shed the pounds!! Well here's another one for you to avoid.
Apparently this guy called mark zabel, a texas chef has created the worlds first recipe for deep fried beer!!
He allegedly pours it into a 'a pocket of salty, pretzle-like dough and then dunks it in hot oil for 20 seconds"
His moto is why drink beer when you can eat it!!!
He intends to unveil it at a fried food convention in the the texas state fair this month, where last years winner was a recipe for deep fried butter!!!
And I thought the scots had this insane market covered with deep fried mars bars!!
Obviously not!
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1997 and all that
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29 Views
08/31/10
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I was having a bit on a 90's music day yesterday. I dug out some old cassette tapes like Garbage, Sheryl Crow and Heart and it reminded me of that time quiet vividly.
That was the year I hit the big 30 and pretty much had a full on mid life crisis!! Many friends had settled into long term relationships, bought houses, had careers and such like but what did I have to show for those 30 years on the planet?
Bugger all. I was living in a rented house, was unemployed at the time and had a collection of failed relationships and jobs to my name. So I decided to give the whole art thing one last try and enrolled for art college, and set in motion a chain of events such as meeting my future ex-wife, moving to a new city and landing my perfect job, which I still have!
Sometimes you just need a good kick up the ass!!!
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Opening Gambit
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20 Views
08/19/10
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I was using another more main stream dating site, andcasualy browsing as you do I saw a young lady that I thought was rather interesting, so I thought I'd send a quick hello message, but imagine my surprise when I was told that the message couldn't be sent because it didn't conatin enough words!!?!?!
I mean who sends a an essay as their first contact? You just send a quick hello, look at me, and if you like what you see send a reply type message.
Strange world!
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A totaly irrelevant story but.....
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34 Views
08/12/10
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I’ll never moan about a speeding fine again!
According to a story on yahoo. A swedish man has been handed a £650,000 speeding fine - believed to be the world's largest ever - while driving Switzerland. Traffic police pulled the 37-year-old driver over on the A12 highway between Bern and Lausanne, when he was seen travelling at two and half times the speed limit in his £140,000 Mercedes-Benz SLS.
The speed limit on Switzerland's motorways is 74.5mph (120km/h). The Mercedes-Benz SLS supercar in which the Swedish driver was caught is capable of a 197mph maximum speed.
Prosecutors claim that he was caught driving at 186mph, the fastest anyone has ever been clocked for speeding in Switzerland.
It went on to say
Swiss speeding fines are calculated using a formula taking earnings into account leaving the man facing the highest possible penalty of 300 days worth of £2,166 daily fines - £650,000 in total.
I mean the guy obviously isn’t poor if he can afford a car like that, but ouch that’s a kick in the wallet!
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Voting time!
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52 Views
08/07/10
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Hi All
As you probably remember I had a tendency to write humorous and sometimes silly blogs, maybe not quite on a par with noodles though! For those of you who have been on here long enough you may remember the GMPFL Bout's?? If you don't have a look back at my blogs.
Anyway, it's time to cast your votes on the following question....... Flesh or not!
I'll elaborate. There are some men of a somewhat vain disposition (yes you know who you are!!) that do the gym and use a topless picture as their main profile picture. I mean it's fair enough i think after spending hours heaving weights around to want to show off the hard work, flex those pecs and such like!!
So what are your initial reactions when you click onto a guys profile to find a topless shot?
Is it........
a. Hmm yes please!!! or
b. Ewww put it away please!!!
Cast your votes now!
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Religion!
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95 Views
07/27/10
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I've just finished reading 'The God Delusion' by Richard Dawkins, and it's a good read. I wouldn't say I was a complete athiest but he makes a good point about relgions being the root of all evil.
An example of this was in the sunday times this weekend. In Israel a palestinian man was convicted of rape after having consensual sex with a woman who thought he was a fellow jew. He was sentanced to 18 months in Jail for 'rape by deception'.
Apparently he met the woman and presented himself as a jewish bachelor looking for a serious relationship. They then had cosensual sex. it was only after she found out that he was an arab (I wonder how??!!) that she filed a complaint.
The judges concluded: "If she hadn't thought the accused was a jewish batchelor.... she would not have co-operated."
Madness!
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Did You Know?
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64 Views
07/17/08
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That the speciality dish of the Seychelles is bat curry? - No neither did I until recently!
According to the erudite AA Gil writing in the Sunday Times "That's not a joke. Nor is it to be missed. The bats in question are big flying foxes, half umbrella, half Jack Russell. They're trapped in nets - I'm told being a bat catcher is highly skilled work. They don't taste remotely like chicken, which is what people always say new meat tastes like. More like a synthesis of lamb's liver and muntjac that's been hit by a Range Rover"
Funny old world isn't it!!!!
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Nipples
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79 Views
03/29/08
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Just thought I'd share this amusing story yesterday!
LOS ANGELES (AFP) - A woman who was forced to remove her nipple rings with pliers before boarding a flight in Texas, demanded an apology Thursday and said she wants the government to investigate the incident.
It was just total humiliation in front of people I had no earthly idea who they were," Mandi Hamlin, a 37-year-old graphic artist from Dallas, told reporters at her lawyer's office in Los Angeles.
Hamlin's attorney, Gloria Allred, said the woman "was given a pair of pliers in order to remove the rings in her nipples ... The rings had been in her nipples for many years."
Hamlin said she wanted a public apology and for the Transportation Security Administration to investigate the incident, which happened in February as she was boarding a flight from Lubbock, Texas, to Dallas.
TSA spokesman Dwayne Baird said he was unaware of the nipple ring incident.
"I'd be really curious to know what this woman had in her nipples," he said, adding that he had "never heard of any of our people having anyone remove something that sounds as small as a nipple ring."
Allred said the TSA's measure was "cruel and unnecessary."
"The last time that I checked, a nipple was not a dangerous weapon."
I love that last comment. He's obviously never heard of the saying "You'll have someones eye out with those!"
On a slightly more serious note I've never had a problem with any of my piercings going through any airport, so it makes you wonder just how big were those piercings, and even so why would they want them removed?
It's a strange world!
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Teapot's anyone!
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48 Views
03/22/08
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Oh we are on a roll now! A cheese one perhaps!
A former teacher has been jailed for joining a religious cult that worshiped a giant teapot. Kamariah Ali, 57, was arrested in 2005 when the Malaysian government destroyed the two-story teapot seen by members of the Sky Kingdom cult as a symbol of water purity. Ali a born Muslim, is banned from changing her faith under the country's strict religious law.
I mean honestly, I can't imagine that a teapot was causing any harm. Personally the only flying teapot I've encountered was piloted by the pot head pixies (and if you get that reference then you are obviously as old as me and did too many drugs in their youth!)
On a more serious note, it does however seem that organised religion seems to lie at the bottom of most of the world troubles, and any criticism of non-Christian religions is pretty much always countered by the whole racism argument, but that a topic for a whole new blog!
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No You Can't Die!
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57 Views
03/22/08
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Due to a lack of totally irreverent blogs I felt the need to regale you all with this interesting story.
Apparently the major of a French village has banned his neighbours from dying because there is no room in the cemetery. Gerard Lalanne, mayor of Sarpourenx in Bordeaux, says he was forced to act after a court overturned his plan to extend the graveyard. He warns in a council edict "Offenders will be severely punished"
Er... ever heard of cremation?!
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For all the Singles out there
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101 Views
02/09/08
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Don't you just love surveys! You name it and someone somewhere is doing a survey on it. Anyway with Valentines Day fast approaching I think this one is quiet apt.
A poll of 1000 couples taken by a firm of solicitors after a rush of divorce applications in the first week of the new year has discovered the following:
1. An amazing 59% of married women said they would leave their husbands tomorrow if they could be assured of economic stability.
2. Half of the husbands questioned defined their marriage as ?loveless?.
3. More than 10% of men and women said they wished they had married someone else.
4. 12% of the couples said they would stay in an unhappy relationship for an easy life.
5. 30% said they were staying in a doomed marriage to save themselves the hassle of an upheaval.
6. 37% said they were staying put for the sake of the children.
7. 42% worried about losing their home if they broke up; a third of those polled were worried they would be left with nothing if they walked away.
8. 30% of men said they were scared of leaving their children behind.
9. Almost 50% said they would stay with their unsatisfactory partner ?for the sake of the family unit?, even though 35% believed their marriage would turn stale in the future.
Isn't number 3 a good one huh! More than 200 men and women from this survey wished they had married someone else!!! I bet the breakfast conversation is a bundle of laughs!
Sometimes it is simpler just to be single, wouldn't you say?
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